Apparently this is 'National Customer Service Week', so our company sprung for a free all-you-can-eat lunch for our department on Wednesday. Soup, salad, breadsticks...sounds harmless right? Well the words 'free' combined with 'all-you-can-eat' always spells trouble for me. I am not a fat man, but in the right circumstances I can be a very hungry man. I purposely skipped breakfast that morning to save room for lunch. I started out with a big bowl of chili, a fat breadstick, a large chocolate chunk cookie and a grape soda. For good measure I cut up a jalapeno pepper fresh from my boss's garden and threw that in the chili with a bunch of crackers. I was full after all that and sweating from the chili, but then they announced that the salad and more breadsticks were on their way from the cafeteria.
I waited 10 minutes to see if I would be less full so I could eat more, but it didn't work. I tried peeing. Still full. But it's free and it's right there for the taking. F*ck it, I'm getting more. I grabbed a plate of Caesar salad, a bowl of wild-rice chicken soup, more crackers, 2 breadsticks and headed back to my desk. So good. In fact the soup was even better than the chili. I dug in, but slower now as my expanding stomach started complaining in ernest. I finished all that and sure enough...about 15 minutes later they announced more fresh hot buttery breadsticks were on their way. No way...I couldn't possibly eat another bite. Back to work. I stared at my computer and tried to forget about all that delicious food in the room just down the hall from desk. I was in pain but I kept thinking about those breadsticks. I had to go to the mailroom so I told myself that I would walk past the food-room on the way and look in and just see if they were any breadsticks left. Probably not, but I really should just check to make sure.
Yep. There was about a dozen left. I ducked in, grabbed one and was going to leave but I noticed there was still a lot of the wild-rice soup left. I wondered what they do with the leftover soup. They don't just throw it away do they? God I hope not. Just in case I better have another bowl as it would be a shame for any of it to go to waste. I grabbed a handful of crackers for the soup and slowly dragged my aching belly back to my desk and set about downing this latest round. It took awhile, but I managed to do it while cranking an Ozzy Osbourne cd in my headphones to drown out my stomach pain.
I looked at the clock. 12:30 pm. I had been eating since 11:00 am. Why is it so hot in here? I am sweating profusely. I have to pee for real this time. Coming back from the bathroom I see the food guy walking towards me carrying another big bowl of breadsticks! They are so good, but I have already told myself that I will never eat again as I have stuffed in enough food to last my body for the rest of it's life. I let him pass by but I can smell the breadsticks. Wait! Hang on a sec! He stops, turns around and I grabbed one more. Oh my god what is wrong with me? It is so soft and warm and coated with the perfect amount of salty garlic butter, but it is certainly not as good as the first couple I had eaten and in fact I felt a bit like puking. As I quickly finished it off just to get it out of my sight I started thinking about the law of diminishing returns.
The Law of Diminishing Returns states that continually adding one more factor of something while holding all other factors constant, will at some point yield lower returns. While it is an economic term that pertains to business models, it also holds true for almost anything in life. Food (the 5th breadstick is not nearly as good as the 1st one), drugs (I cannot possibly get any higher, so maybe I should quit hitting the joint every time it comes around), alcohol (we have all had one too many drinks)...and maybe even sex? No, that’s silly.
The one other thing that I can think of where this law does not apply was going to Grateful Dead concerts. As with most man-made laws that were ignored, many other laws did not apply with the Dead either, including the laws of time, space, gravity, reality...and yes the law of diminishing returns. In the 10 years before Jerry Garcia died in 1995 I could not see enough Grateful Dead shows and it never got old. I always looked forward to the next show and managed to see them exactly 100 times. The list below is every Dead show I have been to, and each night has a story attached to it that could be a blog entry...like catching on fire in Chicago in my 1/27/12 blog entry or crossing into Canada in the 5/11/12 entry for example. Although the number of shows I went to per year taper off towards the end, that was not for lack of interest or diminished returns but because I had cut my hair and got a real job in 1992. Sadly, this greatly inhibited my ability to head out of town whenever the Dead were within 1,000 miles of me. Here is the list, and watch for future Grateful Dead stories...
The Grateful Dead (100 shows) & related * (7 shows)
1985 (2 shows)
1) 6/21/85 Alpine Valley - E. Troy, WI
2) 6/22/85 Alpine Valley - E. Troy, WI
1986 (5 shows)
3) 6/26/86 H.H.H. Metrodome - Minneapolis, MN
4) 6/28/86 Alpine Valley - E. Troy, WI
5) 6/29/86 Alpine Valley - E. Troy, WI
6) 12/30/86 H.J.K. Auditorium - Oakland, CA
7) 12/31/86 H.J.K. Auditorium - Oakland, CA
1987 (6 shows)
8) 6/26/87 Alpine Valley - E. Troy, WI
9) 6/27/87 Alpine Valley - E. Troy, WI
10) 6/28/87 Alpine Valley - E. Troy, WI
11) 7/8/87 Roanoke Civic Center - Roanoke, VA
12) 7/10/87 J.F.K. Stadium - Philadelphia, PA
13) 7/12/87 Giants Stadium - E. Rutherford, NJ
1988 (18 shows)
14) 3/24/88 The Omni - Atlanta, GA
15) 3/26/88 Hampton Coliseum - Hampton, VA
16) 3/27/88 Hampton Coliseum - Hampton, VA
17) 3/28/88 Hampton Coliseum - Hampton, VA
18) 4/13/88 Rosemont Horizon - Chicago, IL
19) 4/14/88 Rosemont Horizon - Chicago, IL
20) 4/15/88 Rosemont Horizon - Chicago, IL
21) 6/17/88 Met Center - Bloomington, MN
22) 6/19/88 Alpine Valley - E. Troy, WI
23) 6/20/88 Alpine Valley - E. Troy, WI
24) 6/22/88 Alpine Valley - E. Troy, WI
25) 6/23/88 Alpine Valley - E. Troy, WI
26) 6/25/88 Buckeye Lake Music Center - Hebron, OH
27) 6/28/88 Saratoga Performing Arts Center - Saratoga, NY
28) 6/30/88 Silver Stadium - Rochester, NY
29) 12/28/88 Oakland Coliseum - Oakland, CA
30) 12/29/88 Oakland Coliseum - Oakland, CA
31) 12/31/88 Oakland Coliseum - Oakland, CA
1989 (16 shows)
* 3/22/89 (Jerry Garcia/Bob Weir/Country Joe) Gift Center Pavilion - San Francisco, CA
32) 4/8/89 Riverfront Arena - Cincinnati, OH
33) 4/9/89 Freedom Hall - Louisville, KY
34) 4/11/89 Rosemont Horizon - Chicago, IL
35) 4/12/89 Rosemont Horizon - Chicago, IL
36) 4/13/89 Rosemont Horizon - Chicago, IL
37) 4/15/89 Mecca Arena - Milwaukee, WI
38) 4/16/89 Mecca Arena - Milwaukee, WI
39) 4/17/89 Met Center - Bloomington, MN
40) 5/27/89 Oakland Stadium - Oakland, CA
41) 7/17/89 Alpine Valley - E. Troy, WI
42) 7/18/89 Alpine Valley - E. Troy, WI
43) 7/19/89 Alpine Valley - E. Troy, WI
* 9/15/89 (Jerry Garcia Band w/Weir-Wasserman opening) Alpine Valley - E. Troy, WI
* 9/16/89 (Jerry Garcia Band w/Weir-Wasserman opening) Poplar Creek Music Theater - Hoffman Estates, IL
44) 12/27/89 Oakland Coliseum - Oakland, CA
45) 12/28/89 Oakland Coliseum - Oakland, CA
46) 12/30/89 Oakland Coliseum - Oakland, CA
47) 12/31/89 Oakland Coliseum - Oakland, CA
1990 (6 shows)
48) 2/25/90 Oakland Coliseum - Oakland, CA
49) 2/26/90 Oakland Coliseum - Oakland, CA
50) 2/27/90 Oakland Coliseum - Oakland, CA
* 3/1/90 (Jerry Garcia Band) The Warfield - San Francisco, CA
51) 12/27/90 Oakland Coliseum - Oakland, CA
52) 12/28/90 Oakland Coliseum - Oakland, CA
53) 12/30/90 Oakland Coliseum - Oakland, CA
1991 (16 shows)
54) 3/17/91 Capital Centre - Landover, MD
55) 3/18/91 Capital Centre - Landover, MD
56) 3/20/91 Capital Centre - Landover, MD
57) 3/21/91 Capital Centre - Landover, MD
58) 4/28/91 UNLV Silver Bowl - Las Vegas, NV
59) 6/6/91 Deer Creek Music Center - Noblesville, IN
60) 6/7/91 Deer Creek Music Center - Noblesville, IN
61) 6/9/91 Buckeye Lake Music Center - Hebron, OH
62) 6/19/91 Pine Knob Music Theatre - Clarkston, MI
62) 6/20/91 Pine Knob Music Theatre - Clarkston, MI
63) 6/24/91 Sandstone Amphitheatre - Bonner Springs, KS
64) 6/25/91 Sandstone Amphitheatre - Bonner Springs, KS
* 11/22/91 (Jerry Garcia Band) Rosemont Horizon - Chicago, IL
* 11/23/91 (Jerry Garcia Band) Bradley Center - Milwaukee, WI
65) 12/27/91 Oakland Coliseum - Oakland, CA
66) 12/28/91 Oakland Coliseum - Oakland, CA
67) 12/30/91 Oakland Coliseum - Oakland, CA
68) 12/31/91 Oakland Coliseum - Oakland, CA
1992 (16 shows)
69) 2/23/92 Oakland Coliseum - Oakland, CA
70) 2/24/92 Oakland Coliseum - Oakland, CA
71) 3/20/92 Copps Coliseum - Hamilton, Ontario
72) 3/21/92 Copps Coliseum - Hamilton, Ontario
73) 3/23/92 The Palace - Auburn Hills, MI
74) 3/24/92 The Palace - Auburn Hills, MI
75) 6/8/92 Richfield Coliseum - Richfield, OH
76) 6/9/92 Richfield Coliseum - Richfield, OH
77) 6/14/92 Giants Stadium - E. Rutherford, NJ
78) 6/15/92 Giants Stadium - E. Rutherford, NJ
79) 6/17/92 Charlotte Coliseum - Charlotte, NC
80) 6/18/92 Charlotte Coliseum - Charlotte, NC
81) 6/25/92 Soldier Field - Chicago, IL
82) 6/28/92 Deer Creek Music Center - Noblesville, IN
83) 6/29/92 Deer Creek Music Center - Noblesville, IN
84) 7/1/92 Buckeye Lake Music Center - Hebron, OH
* 7/15/92 (Bob Weir/Wasserman) Marcus Amphitheater - Milwaukee, WI
1993 (9 shows)
85) 3/9/93 Rosemont Horizon - Chicago, IL
86) 3/10/93 Rosemont Horizon - Chicago, IL
87) 3/11/93 Rosemont Horizon - Chicago, IL
88) 6/18/93 Soldier Field - Chicago, IL
89) 6/19/93 Soldier Field - Chicago, IL
91) 6/21/93 Deer Creek Music Center - Noblesville, IN
92) 6/22/93 Deer Creek Music Center - Noblesville, IN
93) 9/17/93 Madison Square Garden - New York, NY
94) 9/18/93 Madison Square Garden - New York, NY
1994 (4 shows)
95) 3/17/94 Rosemont Horizon - Chicago, IL
96) 3/18/94 Rosemont Horizon - Chicago, IL
97) 7/23/94 Soldier Field - Chicago, IL
98) 7/24/94 Soldier Field - Chicago, IL
1995 (2 shows)
99) 7/8/95 Soldier Field - Chicago, IL
100) 7/9/95 Soldier Field - Chicago, IL
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